


The Lemon is in Play

by azriona



Series: Advent Calendar Drabbles 2013 [17]
Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Advent Calendar Drabble, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Lemon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 01:47:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azriona/pseuds/azriona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lemon is in Play

**Author's Note:**

  * For [auntiesuze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/auntiesuze/gifts).



> The eighteenth installment of this year’s Advent Calendar Drabbles. Because I am lazy, I’m titling the drabbles with the prompt. Today’s prompt is from auntiesuze. I’ve never written Cabin Pressure before, so I’m hoping I caught their voices well enough. The ending’s a little…flat. I can’t figure out how to make it better. This is why I am not John Finnemore.

“Where is the lemon, Douglas?” 

“Martin, you sound rather irritable.” 

“Yes, I’m irritable. I have been searching the cabin for the last ten minutes looking for a lemon that doesn’t exist.” 

“I assure you, Martin, the lemon does in fact exist, and does in fact reside somewhere in the cabin.” 

“And I’m telling you, it does not. I have looked in every nook, cranny, orifice and hidey-hole, and there is not even the hint of a lemon-scented shampoo anywhere in the cabin.” 

“Are you suggesting that I am deliberately misleading you about the existence of a lemon in the cabin?” 

“I…well…no, but….yes. Yes. Yes I am.” 

“Boys, is something the matter? Only when someone is a passenger in an aeroplane, one rather expects the captain to be, oh I don’t know, _flying the aeroplane_.” 

“Carolyn, Douglas said—“ 

“I rather don’t care what Douglas said, unless it was, ‘Martin, please sit down and fly the aeroplane.’” 

“Right, sorry.” 

“Douglas, whatever you are doing to Martin, stop.” 

“I was doing nothing.” 

“That’s not—“ 

“Martin, shut up. Douglas, I don’t believe you, because I have a long history of not believing you, and it’s rather difficult to stop.” 

“Mum—“ 

“Yes, Arthur, what is it?” 

“Oh, are we having a meeting?” 

“No, we are merely congregating in the cockpit to have a discussion about why Martin is not flying the aeroplane.” 

“I _am_ flying the aeroplane.” 

“Now, yes. Earlier, no.” 

“Only I wanted to know when I should start handing out the parachutes.” 

“….” 

“Parachutes?” 

“Yes, one of the passengers asked.” 

“Did we promise them parachutes?” 

“I didn’t think we had, but he seemed very insistent. Said if we were going to crash, they might come in handy.” 

“ _If_?” 

“He…ah…Carolyn…” 

“Quiet, Martin. Arthur, which gentleman was this?” 

“12B.” 

“Carolyn…” 

“ _Quiet_ , Martin. He’s had a bit to drink, hasn’t he?” 

“Oh, yes. Five lemon drops so far.” 

“Arthur! You’re meant to cut them off at two.” 

“Oh, no, he explained it. See, he ordered two and then he ordered two more for his neighbor and then he ordered another two for the man across the aisle, but then the second man was allergic to lemon and you can’t let a lemon drop go to waste like that, so he made the ultimate sacrifice and did the deed himself, and then the man across the way is apparently on some kind of medication where he can’t drink alcohol without going into convulsions so he had one of those too.” 

“Arthur.” 

“Quiet, Douglas. Arthur, did you not realize that he was perhaps trying to finagle having more drinks than he is actually allowed on the plane by buying them for those who cannot possibly drink them?” 

“Oh. _No_! That’s terrible.” 

“Yes, it is, isn’t it?” 

“Carolyn…” 

“Arthur…” 

“Oh, goodness sakes, you two, aren’t you meant to be flying an aeroplane?” 

“I think it’s my fault, Carolyn. Why he thinks the aeroplane will crash.” 

“I’m not surprised; it’s what happens when the pilot is wandering the cabin instead of actually _flying the aeroplane_.” 

“No, I mean – he heard me say, ‘Dash it all’. Perhaps, in his state of extreme inebriation, he misinterpreted?” 

“Ah. And why, precisely, were you wandering the cabin talking about dashing all the things?” 

“Not all the things. Just…the lemony things.” 

“The lemony… _Douglas_! A word.” 

“One small thing first, Carolyn. Arthur, there is something that is bothering me. Lemon drops. They require lemons, do they not?” 

“Oh yes.” 

“And where precisely does one acquire a lemon on board an aeroplane?” 

“Oh, that’s easy. The drinks cabinet, usually.” 

“Usually?” 

“Well, sometimes we run out.” 

“We did not, by any chance, run out today, did we?” 

“Well, I thought we did. But I found it rolling in the aisle, so I was able to make the lemon drops with that.” 

“You see! I told you there wasn’t a lemon in the cabin!” 

“No , I still win. The lemon _was_ in the cabin, it was just in Mr 12B’s drink.” 

“I wasn’t looking for a _drink_ , I was looking for a _fruit_.” 

“Martin, fly the aeroplane. Arthur, go back and inform Mr 12B that he cannot have a parachute or any other drinks, nor can he purchase them for his neighbors, unless he wants water. Douglas….” 

“Yes, Carolyn?” 

“Learn to hide your lemons better.”


End file.
